“You just have the answers to everything, don’t ya!” – my mom to me as an angsty teen who was probably getting on her nerves. I really do pride myself on knowing how to handle pretty much everything. The ~intellectual~ spirit really pops out every once and awhile. But, I’m here to tell you that I have no idea what I’m doing right now.
Control: I survive on it. I am not that chaotic, risky friend. I am the itinerary and packed snacks friend. I’m the AAA membership and travel insurance friend. When things go haywire, I try to figure out how to make them get back on track.
Mother Nature said not today babe.
I really have very little to complain about in the wake of COVID-19. While I think everyone is terrified in facing the uncertainty that this virus has kicked up, I feel oddly calm. Calm in a sense that there’s so much panic in me that I’ve gone numb to the feeling. Oof, that sentence sounds as scary reading back as it did writing it.
We have this whole plan for how our early life should play out. High school. College. First Job. Graduate School. Second Job. Promotion. What happens when the world around us is crumbling? What do we do when the privilege we held living in a first-world nation no longer protects us?
My degree is going to take me longer to complete.
But, I feel secure in having the chance to finish it. I can’t tell you how terrible I feel for the seniors and fourth years and master students and Ph.D. candidates who are having what should be some of the best moments turn into some of the saddest.
I also feel so incredibly overloaded. Every five seconds there’s someone else telling me the same things we’ve known for weeks about COVID-19. The same tired tips for working from home are cycling on my feed constantly. We aren’t just working from home. We’re surviving, living, and existing in our homes. A place that always feels secure can begin to feel like a prison around you. Though, even that feels insensitive to say.
Wash your hands. Look at Italy. Make your bed. Change into a cute outfit. Stay hydrated. SIX FOOT SOCIAL DISTANCE. Flatten the dang curve. Panic buying. Hazard pay. UBI. Stimulus packages. “It’s only downhill from here.” A hoax.
Do you ever wish you could teach people basic human emotions?
I remind myself of a few things every day. First off, that while we are being so greatly tested, we have been gifted time to recharge and refocus. Second, we are each responsible for doing our own part to help reduce the spread and impact of this nasty bug.
Third, go outside especially when it’s nice. A walk does so many wonders for the chaos swirling in my brain. Lastly, as a treat, I like to remind myself that I don’t need to be Isaac mf Newton during all of this and go and discover calculus. That absolutely ridiculous graphic swirling around the internet is really sending me y’all.
Be kind to yourself. Log off. Stop posting to Instagram stories. Take a beat.
I’m just taking it day by day.
I’m cleaning a lot. I plan on starting to write a grant for my thesis project. I’m writing and video editing and designing. I’m cooking a bunch. Earlier this week, I panic baked a cake. I’m maintaining my same morning routine because it genuinely makes me excited to start the day. You know truthfully I’m relieved for at least 20 seconds that I don’t have to leave the comforts of my home. (Although, I’m still going into the lab [on some days, technically] to run essential experiments and take care of my cells. They are A-okay if you were wondering.)
This post was mainly for me because I have no idea what I’m doing right now. AND, that’s okay for now. My only tip is to find routine and structure that balances with relaxation and refocusing. This is going to be a marathon and not a sprint.
And if you’re a twenty-something and headed home to mom and dad, please practice self-isolation because those kings and queens are really close to the high-risk group and we want to keep them safe. Stay diligent friends.
Keep on keepin’ on, truly.
