Your twenties. So many books, podcasts, blog posts, YouTube videos target people in their twenties. Should I be getting into the stock market, seeing the world, not giving a sh*t about anything, setting my soul on fire with passion? There are SO many things that “people” want you to know about your twenties. Maybe, it’s so that your memories from this decade glimmer among the dull and forgotten memories of the decades that flank them. But, what we all just really want in our twenties are good friends.
As kids, do we just blow through friends? My interests and hobbies changed every six months, so it’s not weird to remember all the different friend groups I navigated in primary school. Then, you have family moves and school changes and drama. You keep one or two life friends who have watched you grow up or rather, evolve. To survive the high school dynamic, you built some solid relationships that were built on a mutual love for the teen heartthrobs of the moment and shared dreams of escaping what seemed like an insignificant suburban life.
Then, there was college. Some friendships were built, stronger than ever, and some went to die. And to say you made it through all of that, you’re once again catapulted into another dimension of life that you are not at all prepared to deal with because no one likes to talk about change. We like knowing what comes next and we like navigating that space with the people who know us best.
So, if our twenties are supposed to glimmer, why is it so hard to find friends to share it with?
Making Friends in Your Twenties
Busy. We’re all so damn busy that our friendships have to be a mutual balance. You’re not searching for a therapist [that’s a whole positive life change in itself, go for it using the proper channels, ya feel?] or a personal photographer or someone who seems like a cool person. You need people who you can genuinely talk to and feel safe in your own vulnerability. You need people who will support you when you get let go from your dream job. Friends who celebrate your wins, remember your birthday and support your good ideas. You need people who tell the truth. But, how the hell do you find people? How do you find those diamonds in what can feel like a sea of cubic zirconium?
Pick up hobbies and other interests outside of work.
It seems like such a simple concept, but who are you? What do you like to do? I really love creating content on the internet. So, a lot of my friends have similar interests. It makes sense that I found them on the internet. But, I want to make more friends who don’t overshare on the internet too. I’m thinking about taking a cooking class and striking up more conversations with the regulars that attend my favorite hip hop class. I’ve also thought about going to those random special events at art museums. A book or movie club, although I don’t know if the latter exists, sounds nice too.
Most people our age are likely in the same boat.
A lot of people move to new cities for a variety of reasons: better opportunities, a promotion, graduate school *wink wink*, etc. There are at least a few people milling around with a few leads on friends of friends of second cousins and ripe for friend-making. I read a quote the other day that was purposefully included in my Day Designer that said:
“Be bold, be bold, and everywhere be bold.” – Edmund Spenser
And so, I guess it was a reminder to myself that I am capable of making things happen. Sometimes, it requires that you make a bold move. I’m extroverted, but I’m not the one to strike up a conversation. I’d like to change that. I think part of it is having confidence in yourself and what you can bring to a conversation. Peace out to self-doubt, am I right ladies?
You don’t have to become friends with everyone you meet.
As a kid, I had that “must make everyone feel included even if their sheer presence makes me want to stab my eyes out” thing about me. Now, that we’re all grown up and pretending that we know how to cope with basic human emotion, I’m learning to let that go. You can be cordial, polite, and giving; but, you don’t have to be friends with everyone. I’ve met and hung out with some people who I will likely never seen again. But, I learned something about myself and about other people from each and every one of them.
Make friends with your friend’s friends.
The easiest and most effective way to widen your network and make more new friends is by using the social circles of your standing friends. Birthday parties, apartment warmings, and live performances are great ways to spend time with your current buds and expand your social horizons. This whole post is just my way of hyping myself up to leave my NYC apartment in the dead of winter. All I want to do is snuggle up in my bed when the temperature drops below 30 degrees.
Dress | Boots | Coat(similar) | Hat (similar)
It can seem so insignificant when your news feed is balancing nations on the brink of war, a developing impeachment trial, and blazing fires scorching pretty much the whole of Australia. But, I’m here to tell you it’s normal and valid to feel lonely in this big, bad adult world. Here’s to a decade of finding the best people and pretending to conquer your city like the gals in The Bold Type.
Keep on keepin’ on,
